Improving   English
 

   

EC PRESS RELEASE

   

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EU, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using s instead of the soft c. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard c could be replaced by k sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up the konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was announsed that the troublesome ph would henseforth be written f. This would make words like fotograf twenty persent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterrent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent es in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing th by z. Perhaps zen ze funktion of w kould be taken on by v, vitsh is, after al, half a w. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary o kould be dropd from words kontaining ou. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

Ein Reich, Ein Volk......

     

R. Ilhan (e-mail: 08th July 2005).

 

  G. B. Shaw
oh.(uz).am.or > eng. humour; amor+ous
oh.uz.am @ am.uz.oh ~ mzk > tr ~ ar. mizah / msik; it. musichi